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Saturday, 26 November 2011

Sometimes

Sometimes the world feels like its spinning so fast that I feel as if I've been flung into mid air and flying at the speed of light. Other times it feels as if it's stopped at a complete standstill on its axis and everything is hanging by a thread.

These past few weeks its been such a mix of the two that I really don't know if I'm coming or going. Things are a jumble of emotions, heartache, fear and somedays aggression.

Time, I wish, could be put on a stand still. There is so much I want to do and achieve. So many people that I want to spend time with.

Is there an easy way to tell your kids that their beloved nan is dying. Oh hell no.... I've struggled and struggled and struggled with that one. So grateful for amazing friends that are helping me through this.

What about being abused by your own grandmother for not visiting your mum while she's in hospital??? Um yeah, with 4 young kids in tow. Smart move. NOT!!!! My mum and I know each other well, well enough not to have to be strangle holding each other, sure I want to spend time with her, but I don't need to suffocate her. Not only that but having her constantly draining the life and not allowing us anytime. Just because you have the guilts over not being here for the past 'x' amount of years does not give you the right to come in now and try and take over. After its all said and done we'll go back to being the ones you don't give a rats about. Never been your favourite and know we never will be.

The ones that matter the most are once again left outside :(

I have really worked out who is here to be trusted and relied on and who is disgustingly toxic. I am glad to be rid of these people from my life. I don't need to be brought down to your pathetic level.

My life while extremely stressed and confusing right now, is full of happiness, live and beautiful times with the ones which matter most to me. As it should be.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

4 comments:

Michelle Jamieson said...

Nic, I'm thinking of you and your Mum at this very hard time.
Sending you a big cyber hug...I think you need one! XX :)

Chelle Xx

Carol said...

Nicole I'm so sorry about your mom and especially the fact that others are making it harder on you than it need be.

Em said...

Oh hunnie, I teared up reading this and completely empathise. I send you heaps and heaps of love, strength and positive energy. xox

Deb said...

was thinking about you today and wondering how it was all going with your Mum. Sending you big hugs. Take care xx